"Honey not tonight, I have a headache"
I am sure as women, we have played this card more then once. Let's face it, between homework, housework, dinner, full-times jobs, soccer practice, bath time, etc. there just isn't enough time in the day. I am guilty of thinking during sex or prior to having sex, what I could be doing (such as throwing in a load of laundry or any other household task) instead of having sex with my husband. Sounds awful right? But it's so true.
Women connect to their partners in a different way than men connect to women, as we know. Men can have sex any time, before, during, or after an argument, when they are dog tired, and even when they are sick. Women connect in different ways. We want to feel wanted, appreciated, sexy, and sophisticated. One of my pet peeves is it seems like every time my husband tries to "make out" with me and "go for a home run", I seem to be the dirtiest (just changed a diaper, cleaned the commode, or am covered with sweat head to toe- especially now days being 7 months pregnant.) I typically will respond with, let me take a shower as I push him away. Then, after the shower he normally is falling asleep and I try my hardest to slip into bed hoping he won't notice and we both pass out. Reality is though, after years of doing this, he knows I am in bed he just knows the answer. Men are like children, they can only take so much rejection, then it starts to way on their ego.
I struggled with this at first, I use to think, oh well... too bad his "ego" is shot. I sacrifice my time to run this house, my body has changed to give him his kids, too bad if he feels not wanted. WRONG! This is a road to disaster. It doesn't take long and intimacy goes out of the window. Those nights of soft, sweet, passionate, music on, sex is NON-existent. Our significant other is not the only one that suffers, we suffer too (now it's like there is another kid in the house, mopping around like a sad puppy)
I noticed when I do say yes, we fight less, we get along better, I seem to be less stressed, I get out of the repeat questions, and I don't feel guilty for saying, "no." In fact, I feel like I can ask more of him and get more in return if I fulfill his "basic need."
It has taken me a LONG time to get to this point. I still struggle with it, especially being pregnant and not feeling sexy. He has been losing weight lately (he's not heavy, just becoming more toned) and I feel like he looks so good while I am....let's just say getting biggER.
Then I started to see it in a different light, I am blessed that my husband still finds my changing body sexy, that he does want to not just have "casual" sex, that he wants to be intimate, take things slow, and communicate without speaking. Also, we normally have "pillow talk" afterwards, and he actually seems to really listen and remember what we discuss because he's not just thinking, "i am so horny."
I'll be honest, there is still times I use the excuse and say, "honey not tonight." But, I have really tried to become better. I am such a planner, so planning ahead (i.e taking a quick shower before he walks in) or coming on to him when I am ready vs. him coming on to me when I am busy has helped.
Who would of ever thought that in today's world we are so quick to jump in bed before we're married or committed but once we get married it just seems like a daunting task. Sex, hugs, kisses, and romantic gestures are so important. It keeps the marriage alive and it shows our children how men are suppose to be outside of the bedroom as well.
I am interested in your input! Anything is game! :)