After I finally got over my anxiety about running late and not knowing where I was going, I look to my left. I see a dark-haired, tan, muscular guy wearing a dark green Polo collared shirt, khaki shorts, and brown flip-flops. He had the cutest short stubby toes and then my eyes went back up, I noticed he had tattoos. One on his arm and the other on his wrist. I rolled my eyes, thinking in my head, "nope, next." I turned my attention back to the professor, he went on and on about the class and then went into having us introduce ourselves. Nervously thinking about what to say, it was time for the "guy to my left" to introduce himself. I was intrigued that he too was interested in the medical profession (at the time he wanted to be a Doctor, ahem.) I thought, I bet you he has a girlfriend he just seems too perfect. It became time for the class to take a break and that's when I first noticed his smile. I couldn't stop thinking about him but was trying to just ex him out of my memory because I knew he wouldn't be interested in me. I noticed a girl I knew sat on the opposite side of the classroom, I decided to move across the classroom to sit with her and to get my mind off of him. Then a few days later, he Myspaced me and from then on we began dating and ultimately loving each other.
I became infatuated with him. His zeal for life, his smile, his love for sports, his perfection at everything possible, his ability to pray over me and with me, his hugs, and his character. He became my everything and I became his.
The next semester of school we signed up for all of our classes together, we were perfect, life was perfect. Until, he received a call, and opportunity to play College Baseball hours from him (his dream). That weekend, he unenrolled from school and packed a U-Haul with his belongings and just like that my world was gone.
I traveled to see him and he came home when he could. We continued our long distance relationship although I missed him terribly. My friends were gone off to other colleges, my family relationships weren't the best and my foundation was missing.
After the semester was complete, he realized he missed home, and that it wasn't for him. He came back and my life was back to feeling and being complete.
We continued school, I started Nursing School in the Spring of 2009 and he started a year later. We found out we were expecting our first daughter in November of 2010. We moved out of his parents, rented an apartment, and I started my "big girl" job as a Nurse. He stayed home with our daughter while he finished Nursing School. We got married, bought a house, he started working as an Emergency Room Nurse, and life was on track.
Mike was the perfect Dad. Always attending to Ava's needs, doing everything a Dad is to do plus more. Putting Bows in her hair, picking out outfits at the store, and wrapping her as tight around his finger as possible.
One day I realized, she was our everything and our focus was not our relationship. There was a new girl in town, cuter, sweeter, and simply perfect. She needed us and we longed to fulfill her every need. We began feeling our extra time with her every move and together we became infatuated with her. Every conversation, every moment, was filled with stories or discussions about her. We were OK with that, we were new parents after all. Your world is suppose to be about your new baby, right?
But deep down I wanted his attention, I missed the way we were. But, we were just going through the motions and the demands of parenting an infant, working, and chores. We were Ava's parents, she was our sole identity.
I knew there had to be a way for all of this to work, there had to be a master plan for families. I knew we were more than parents.
I knew we loved her and I knew she was the most joyous and perfect gift from God, but I missed my Husband.
So I turned to God's word, and I quickly remembered God's order for our lives. God, Husband, Children. In that order. Something my Mom had told me over and over that she herself wishes she would of lived by.
I knew by praying and reading his word and praying for his direction over our lives would get us through anything. I prayed for peace over my feelings and my marriage. I prayed for strength to be the best Mother and Wife that God set me out to be. I prayed for him to eliminate jealously in my life. I prayed that he would allow me time with my Husband. I prayed for God's will in our lives and in my marriage.
Then, I turned my focus on my Husband and I's relationship. I tried to remember I wasn't just a Mom, I was Michael's wife as well. His needs and desires were my needs and desires and vice versa. His concerns, his joy, and his suffering, were mine. We are one, just as God intended us to be.
I knew by focusing on God first, my Husband second, that my children would get the focus, love, and attention that they need and crave. By creating order in my marriage, in our house, everything else regarding my children would fall into place. My children would learn patience through our ability to be patient with each other. My children would learn prayer, through our relationship with God, and my children would learn joy seeing joy between their father and I and I knew my children would learn respect through our ability to respect one another.
I then realized that actions speak louder than words.
The way we treat each other and our relationship with our Heavenly Father would be the foundation and example that they so desperately need in their lives. They wouldn't need as much constant guidance if they knew their place in our world. Our world that we created before they even existed. Our world that now embraced and welcomed them.
You see, we raised our girls NOT to feel entitled. We raised them to not ask for things when we are at the store, we raised them to know when Mommy or Daddy says No, the answer is No. We have taught them not to play us against each other. We have taught them to respect each other. We have taught our girls an invaluable lesson the world will not revolve around them. Life will go on regardless if they want it to or not. We have taught them that no one is going to love them or adore them more than we do.
We love our girls so deeply and there is not a moment of the day that isn't consumed with love, affection, and attention to our two little girls. But, we can't lose sight of who and why they were created. If it wasn't for our love and infatuation with each other, they would of never been.
In order for there to be order in your life and in your marriage you have to remember God's plan and purpose for your family. God, Husband, and Children in that order. If you can't love and respect your Husband, the man who helped you bring these remarkable beings into your life and uphold him more than your own children, what are you teaching your children?
Don't take your rock for granted. Embrace the man that helped create these little beings. It is not selfish to put your Husband before your Kids. Your children will be much more humble for it and will be able to love and appreciate your marriage and hope to one day have a marriage all of their own as great as their Mom's and Dad's.
This is what works for us and this is what God's Plan looks like working in our life. We are happy, our girls are happy.
***I know there are different views on this topic and I would love to hear them below, please keep in mind to be respectful of other people's views and beliefs as this is my belief on how a marriage should go. This is what has worked for us and each situation is different.