My husband and I are a month away from celebrating our one year anniversary. We have been together since September 2007 and since then have endured plenty of hardships and triumphs together over the years. A few months ago all of those "hardships" had finally piled up and we both constantly felt like we could "snap" at any moment.
Being that he is my best friend, husband, father of my child and a great person at heart, I just couldn't imagine ever giving up or divorcing him. Although, the thought for the last few months had crossed my mind. How much easier would it be to just leave? Pack my things and not have to hear the constant arguements and fights! It sounds like a NO brainer. However, we swore ourselves to our daughter that we would and always will make this work.
Our fights were never only anything significant. A combination of work, stress, homeowner ship responsibility, my pregnancy emotions, and fatigue, and the like were constant reasons to argue. One day in particular it got so bad, I did ask him to leave and for the first time I really didn't care if he ever came back. I didn't cry, I just put my daughter down for a nap, and took a nap myself.
He ended up coming back a few hours later. Michael and I have never been ones to really "talk" things out, we end up doing something to make the other person laugh and we just say, "it's OK," even when it's not. Which has been the pitfall in our relationship.
You see, Michael and I really are BEST friends. But, due to "life" and my focus on trying to be the best Mom to Ava, I had forgotten what it meant to be more then friends with my husband. In a relationship it is important to be friends of course. But, you have to also relate emotionally and physically. It's OK to not be strong in front of your soul mate or independent. It's OK to talk and share what you are going through with each other even when you feel like the other person doesn't care (it may surprise you how much they do.) I also had let myself go, with not working as much... I stopped dressing up, doing my hair, makeup, and going places. I became a home body that watched cartoons and did the everyday "mommy thing." We also stopped hugging, kissing, and praying together.
The other day I spoke with a friend who told me to just take the "d" word out of our discussions when it gets bad. We decided to agree to that and have yet to bring up the word. We also have started to pray, kiss, hug, and most of all just talk. It's amazing how much a soft kiss, meaningful conversation, or just a hug can instantly bring you back to the moment you fell in love with your significant other.
We are by no means perfect and we have ALOT to work on. However, we are more then ever willing and able to work on our marriage. First and foremost, we are going to start doing more quality things together, not just family activities. It's important to spend alone time together, even if it's just dinner.
We are also planning on a weekend getaway close to home and a marriage retreat later in the year. Like I said, I have learned many things over these last few weeks about what marriage really means. I hope to learn ALOT more and cherish the special moments we do have together instead of focusing on the bad.
For all of you who are going though the issues, you are not alone. It's OK to say your marriage is not perfect and to get help while you can. Many problems can be solved and dealt with before your marriage falls apart.